BY: Ashley Blackwell
Published 13 hours ago
Even today, there are still some parts of sexual intimacy that are considered too taboo to talk about among women. Whereas we could turn on the latest podcast and hear every personal detail regarding a man’s deepest desires, we can’t necessarily say the same for the ladies. In this article, we’re answering a question that many are still curious about today — what is a pillow princess?
Per Dictionary.com, a pillow princess is a phrase that originated in the LGBTQIA+ community and gained mainstream popularity around the 1990s. Reportedly, the term refers to a female (lesbian or bisexual) who prefers to be on the receiving end in the bedroom instead of in the giving role. When engaging in erotic activity, these individuals’ stimulation (typically) heightens when their partner caters to their sensual cravings. Initially, it was also known as an expression describing a “femme” in her experimental phase who’s reluctant to explore girl-on-girl “action” further than her surface-level curiosity.
Similar to gay men’s “top/bottom” ideology, the label has proven to be quite controversial. While some queer women are attracted to pillow princesses for the kink that feeds their dominant fantasies, others want the pleasure to be reciprocated. Because of this, the romantic preference has often gotten a negative outlook.
“There is a huge stigma that pillow princesses are selfish lovers, lazy, and unwilling to get to know what their partner wants, but this isn’t the case at all,” a then-20-year-old Faye told Canadian magazine Vice in a 2020 write-up on the phenomenon. “Instead, it’s understanding how you like your relationships to be, communicating that with your partner.”
In recent years, it’s been said that the slogan can be used among heterosexuals as well.
What Is a Pillow Princess? — The Importance of Fulfilling Each Other’s Needs
While it’s true that some women (and men) like to be the aggressor behind closed doors, we’d be lying if we claimed that was the case all the time. For this reason, it’s vital to have a conversation with your bed buddy to get a feel of their likes/dislikes (beforehand). And vice versa.
Make no mistake, there’s nothing wrong with wearing your “pillow princess” tag proudly. However, a healthy balance would benefit both parties. Once you learn what that person is willing to do/won’t tolerate, you will know how to satisfy one another better.
On the flip side, if you do happen to be drawn to the submissive position more, don’t let society’s connotations prompt you to change your and your mate’s style. Instead, find creative ways to provide comfort in the sheets–all across the board. If you’re new to certain things, voice your thoughts and see they are respected. Make suggestions. Hear them out. Prioritizing each other’s emotions (in and out of the bedroom) is key, as it could serve as the foundation for an explosive sex life together.
After all, whether we’re talking about pillow to pillow or body to body, we all deserve to feel good.
How was your experience as a pillow princess and/or have you ever dated one? Let us know in the comments!
