Dear B. Scott,
My best friend is beautiful. That type of ethnic beauty that makes men and women of all races do double takes on the street.
I, in comparison, am rather average. I refrain from comparing myself to her, and have been able to thrive on my own personal and professional path. I recognize that the two of us are great in different ways. It usually doesn’t even come up, since we live in different states and attended different colleges.
My boyfriend, however, is still marveling. He jokes every so often that he’s looking at her over social media and whatnot. He acknowledges that she’s one of the most beautiful women he’s ever met, but that they wouldn’t be romantically compatible anyway. The joke has come up several times, which I usually counter by joking about one of his fine friends (and boy, does he have a lot of them).
But is it wrong that this bothers me? I know without a doubt in my heart that this man loves me, and is just joking around. He’s made enormous sacrifices for me, and proved that he’s around for the long haul. I don’t want to bring my insecurities into the relationship by telling him that he’s poking a sore spot that’s been lingering for almost a decade!
The solution to this problem resides within you.
I don’t think it’s ever wrong for you to feel bothered. Acknowledging it is the first step to resolving it. Often times, things that bother us represent issues that we need to deal with within ourselves.
There are more beautiful people in this world, fact. But at the same time, beauty is subjective. You have to get to a point where you’re fully confident in who you are and your image. I agree with you, you shouldn’t bring your insecurities into your relationship but you still need to address them.
When you deemed yourself as “average,” you valued your girlfriend’s beauty over your own and that’s a part of the issue. You have to work toward not comparing yourself to anyone and appreciate the unique beauty that you have to offer.
Also, if you don’t like him joking around about this particular topic while you’re coming to terms with it, then you should stop with the counter-joking. It only encourages his behavior.
Too often, in relationships, we get caught up in the little things which distract from what’s most important. You said yourself, that your boyfriend without a doubt in your heart loves you and has made enormous sacrifices and proved that he’s around for the long haul.
And that, my dear love muffin, is what truly matters.
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